Bea Z. Baudy is a town gossip extraordinaire, with all the latest "buzz" for Langley, Washington. Bea Z. is also a proven purveyor of murder mystery theories. Her highest calling is that of "Transformer of Trivialities"!
Bea's Introspection:
"I started to shut up once, but then I stopped."
About Me
- Bea Z. Baudy
- Langley, Washington
- Welcome to Bea Z. Baudy's Buzz Blog! Some folks in our beautiful town of Langley call me a gossip, a rumor mongerer. But I see myself as a civic-minded contributor--a grapevine facilitator of sorts, providing an important public service. Every February, for some reason, there is a murder in our otherwise peaceful town. Now, no one will admit this, but my "calling" is especially helpful during these investigative times as I know everything about everybody--and what I don't know, I make up! My quest in helping my townspeople is to inspire the commonplace with an uncommon flavor, and to transform trivialities!
Bea Z. Baudy's Favorite Songs
- "Let's Give 'Em Somethin' to Talk About"
- "Theme from Gossip Girls"
- "You Talk Too Much"
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Barrs, Money, & Slugs
I.B. Fuzz & Bunny Reid Fuzz
Come on now...these two are related?!!
Blog Archive
Gracie Slack & Joe Bendix
Splendor in the Afternoon
Paparazzi Money Shots
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Investigation Results Report - Langley Mystery 2009
Investigation Results Report - Langley Mystery 2009
I.B. Fuzz:
I know you are all eager to hear the results of our investigation into the murder of Victor Mills. But, before the media starts shouting that they can't see me, let me assure you that "I am standing up!"
Now, before I give the results of my investigation I want to say a few personal words.
This has been the hardest investigation I have ever helped conduct, not only in my years of helping the Langley Police and Coroner, but even when I include my years as a detective with the Texas Rangers.
Not only did we have the fresh and weird murder of the US Army's illustrious Brigadier General Victor Mills, but we also had to investigate the very cold cases of two famous Langley residents who were presumed missing for 24 and 12 years, respectively.
Of course our first concern had to be solving the death of General Mills.
We had a lot of pressure, as well as a lot of help, from the other Washington on this one.
The FBI even lent us Professor Plum Peacock who had been trained in profiling at a facility in the other Langley. Her insights were instrumental in the solution of these crimes.
Winston and Terry R. Winchester were diligent, if sometimes over zealous, in eliminating possible federal law violations as motives in these murders.
I also want to thank the others who helped our investigation.
First, I have nothing but praise for our new Langley City Coroner, Quincy Da Vinci. When he faced the daunting task of investigating three murders (instead of the usual single murder) this February, he had the good sense to ask me for help. Quincy, you got more than you paid for, I mean bargained for this year. But together we solved them all.
Also, Mr. Zaud Eack's starry eyed act might have been a factor in the death of vaudeville, but he is no killer and he actually helped us in his own wacky way.
My old friend, Polly Graph, contributed much spiritual insight into the murder of General Mills and, with her pipeline to the local ghost gossip, she was able to help us solve our two cold cases.
And speaking of gossip ...I have a warning for Bea Z. Baudy.
If you get your tongue under control you might be helpful in the future, but for right now I want you to stay where I can see you because you have caused a lot of problems this year with your wild stories and gossip filled blog. You just keep your seat and your tongue until I'm finished here.
Now, getting back to the mystery at hand.
At first Quincy and I thought we had three separate murders to investigate, a daunting task in itself, but the forensic evidence has proven that, much to our horror, we have a cereal killer here in Langley! Knowing this, we were able to eliminate several prime suspects.
At first Ralph Channel was a prime suspect in the death of his old rival, Xavier Rhalston, and Twiggy Limm looked good for the murder of her old conquest Quaker Oats, but neither of their careers benefitted from those deaths and each was out of the country during at least one of the murders.
Cornell Barker may be a tone deaf, hard-headed manager, but he's not a killer and he had no reason to hurt Rhalston.
The 49ers have again been up to no good this year, and it's a good bet they will be trouble again next year ...and C.Z., Sit down you old coot! You'll bet on anything.
As I was saying ...
As much as I would like to implicate the 49ers in this mess, neither CZ, Montana, Hershel, nor sweet little Candy, were involved in all three murders.
The Dew brothers, Bartholomew and Tullamore, were so busy taste testing their own product that they were incapable of shooting straight so they are cleared, though their heads might not be.
Kitty and Kat Killgallon have done very well since the death of Quaker Oats, and General Mills might have been fixing to cause them some tax problems, but they had no good reason to kill Rhalston.
As for Lily and Ivory White, they are obsessive about the Hipshots music, but they knew nothing of General Mills' threats of turning Kat and Kitty into the IRS, so the behavior of Lily and Ivory regarding General Mills was ultimately as pure as their names imply.
Gracie Slack and Joe Fingers Bendix. You two lovebirds do as much damage to music now as you did with Quaker Oats. By all rights he probably should have killed your careers long ago but he didn't, and you didn't kill him. You've always been more interested in loving than fighting so all I have to say to you is—get a room.
Now, Mickey Finn, your story is fishy and you are as slippery as they come but I can't pin all these murders on you since one occurred before you were born and the other when you were just a small fry. The same goes for you little shadow, Joel Roger. But I'm telling you Mickey ... I've got my eye on you from now on!
Mobey White, I've known you since you were a small fry and you sure haven't grown up yet. In my opinion you’re still playing in a dream world, but you don't have a mean bone in you body and you did not commit these three murders.
And as for Maggy MacRill, I know you have plans for a new Oceanic World Order but I learned from reliable sources that you never do your own enforcement. Like most leaders you know how to delegate.
I have also eliminated Sarah McMuggs since the evidence shows that the murders were all caused by gunshot, not poisons.
And that led me to Misty Scarlett who has to be the best shot in town. She's sure a lot better than General Mills was, but the forensic evidence cleared her gun and we could find no other guns registered to her.
Hildie Clam, you sure have made a killing since your husband Rhalston died and I have it on good authority that he thought of you as only a second rate catalog model, and was not going to use you as spokeswoman for his new fashion line.
So, as I was saying ...
We have a cereal killer in Langley and the forensic evidence is quite overwhelming.
When I heard that the globs of metal connected to all three murders were silver, and that one of the guns had silver shavings inside the barrel, I had a sickening suspicion I knew who the killer was.
I called a few old friends, matched up some dates, and came to the sad conclusion that my beloved niece, Bunny Reid Fuzz is a cereal murderer!!!
She used her grandfather's gun and his famous Silver Bullets to “right” what she considered "wrongs" done by men against women she met over the years. Sheriff, please take her into custody. I can't bring myself to do it!
BunnyFuzz: "I was bound by my Ranger Code and my Pisceology Code to right those wrongs. I only turned in my gun because you asked me to Aunt Isabel--both as family and as a fellow Ranger. How can you betray me?!"
I.B. Fuzz:
I'm sorry Bunny but, as number eight in the Ranger Code says ...“Sooner or later we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken.” Good bye my dear. I'll call your mother.
And so, on that sad note, I thank you all for helping us solve the 25th annual Langley Mystery. I'm just too broken up to go on ...(sob, sob)
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